One of the most well-known mentors in many Christian circles is Dr. Howard Hendricks. Thousands of men and women worldwide consider this professor at Dallas Theological Seminary to be a guiding influence in their life. Protégés of his include the late Tom Landry, Joseph Stowell (president of Moody Bible Institute), and Chuck Swindoll (pastor, radio pastor, and current president of Dallas Theological Seminary).

During the National Conference on Mentoring held at Denver Seminary in April 2000, ForMinistry.com editor Michael Klassen met with Hendricks to discuss the subject of mentoring.

MK: How many people would you say you have mentored in your life?

HH: It's very difficult to say because I have been exposed to so many people due to the type of ministry I'm involved in. I've never actually tallied the number and in mentoring I've impacted people at different levels and different degrees. Some people will say "You were my mentor. You were the most important person in my life." Or as Chuck Swindoll puts it, "You believed in me when I didn't believe in myself."

There are other people I have mentored whom I have never met. They tell me, "I've read something that you wrote," or "I heard a tape," or "I attended your seminar, and it changed the whole course of my life." So it's difficult to quantify by numbers.

MK: A misconception many people have concerns the informal nature of mentoring. One of the myths of mentoring is that it is very formalized.

HH: Absolutely. Mentoring often takes place in an informal setting. My wife, Jeanne, and I spend a lot of time with students in our home. Or they know I have to walk every day, so they'll come out and walk with me. I used to have a pool, so people would come out and swim. It's not, "Ok, I shall now mentor somebody." They're around you, they watch your behavior, they hear what you say, they ask you questions. So it's the totality of your life that really impacts a person.

MK: What would you recommend to people who want to be mentors but may not consider themselves "people persons"?

HH: A person has to ask, "What do I already have that I can give to another person?" The answer may well be, "I'm not strong in interpersonal communications, but I am strong in organizing my life. I am strong in terms of what I do in my business or profession."

Let's say I'm a doctor and you're a young doctor -- you're not looking for some great personality, you're looking for somebody who really knows the skills that you are trying to develop. So communicate on the basis of what you have to give.

What surprises most people is that you communicate in more ways than merely through what you say. It's your passion about what you do, your selflessness, your focus, and your care about the other person. Otherwise, you're right. You've eliminated a big segment of the average public if it were limited only to people with strong interpersonal skills.

MK: How does a mentoring relationship begin? Does the mentor instigate it or the protégé? 

HH: In my case, I'm in a distinctive role. I teach in a seminary. So a guy or gal comes into my class and I'll think, "Boy, this person's got something to contribute. I need to spend more time with him or her." Or the person may show up at my office and ask, "Would you mentor me?" 

But often it grows out of my exposure to a person. For instance, I'm mentoring a young man whom I have spent a little over a semester with. We met in an informal situation, sitting at the same table for a meal. Immediately when we met there was a resonance -- like we'd known each other all of our lives. We just bonded. So I invited him to have lunch with me one day and then he asked me if I would write a letter of recommendation for a summer ministry opportunity. One thing led to another. 

But probably if you asked him, "Is Dr. Hendricks mentoring you?" he would say, "What? I just spend a lot of time with him." 

We have a lot of fun together. We both played baseball (he still does, I used to!), and we have a lot in common. Now I have opportunities to get involved in his life. For instance, recently he said to me, "One thing I know we're going to have to go in to: I'm disciplined in athletics and in my studies, but I'm not disciplined in my personal life. I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning, and I have a hard time showing up for class on time." So this is one of the areas that we'll probably look at further. 

MK: In a mentoring meeting, who sets the agenda -- you or the protégé? 

HH: It works both ways, which is what makes it so valuable. If a person brings up an issue I think needs to be addressed more in depth, I'll say, "You know, that's a crucial issue. Why don't we spend our next meeting talking about it. You do some thinking about this issue, and here's a book you can read in the meantime. Evaluate your own life on the basis of what we're going to discuss." Then when we meet again, in a week or so, and we zero in on that. 

Other times I will perceive in a protégé an area of weakness or strength that needs to be developed -- often in an area they are totally unaware of. I'll say, "Look, do you have any idea what you have going for you?" That's where you begin to build people up. You start by building on their strengths. But that doesn't mean you're not going to shore up the weaknesses. If the person talks too much, I'll tell them, "You're going to have to learn to listen." 

MK: How should mentors develop a new relationship in the beginning? 

HH: You spend time with them, and ask them a lot of questions like, "Michael, tell me about yourself. Tell me about your family. Tell me about school." Just get the person talking so you can have a database because if you want to mentor your protégé, you have to know these things. And sometimes you share with them. That's what builds your relationship base. And out of your relationship, your protégé will feel the safety to say, "I'm not sure I'm experiencing the Christian life the way it was designed." 

MK: Do you have limits as far as how deep you go in a person's life? 

HH: Yes. The limits are set ultimately by the protégé, so if he or she doesn't want to go any deeper, I don't probe. In one sense, however, it is set by me. When I am asked a question that I'm not competent to answer, I recommend them to people they ought to see who can get them an answer. 

MK: Many people seem to have difficulty trusting others enough to establish deep, intimate relationships. How can we overcome this? 

HH: This is the reason why you have to spend time together and develop a relationship -- so you can build their trust and earn the right to mentor them. Often your protégé will test you by saying, "You know, I've got to share something with you. You're not going to tell other people about this are you?" 

After giving your assurance that your conversation is confidential, they'll ask around to see what you are saying about them. Now if you go out and blabber it to other people, and your protégé hears about it, then they're going to back off. Too many people give up too soon in building a relationship with a mentor or with a protégé. You need to spend enough time together for the chemistry to develop. 

MK: How did your mentoring relationship Chuck Swindoll develop? 

HH: It began when he was a student at Dallas Theological Seminary, where I teach. During class, Chuck always sat right under my nose in the first row and took copious notes. I've never seen anyone who could write as fast as he could. And he would always ask very perceptive questions. After class was over, he'd be up at the front continuing the discussion and then follow me all the way back to my office. 

Once I asked Chuck, "Why don't you and Cynthia come over to my house for supper?" So they came over and we began spending time together. Because I was the chaplain of the Dallas Cowboys at the time, we went to Cowboys games, too. I simply did what I would do with a friend. And that's what mentoring is: it's building a friendship. 

I remember one event that significantly added to our mentoring relationship. The Swindolls had experienced a couple of crises: Chuck had messed up his car and then Cynthia lost her baby in pregnancy. Chuck walked around the campus for awhile looking for somebody who cared and ended up at the door to the office of another professor. He knocked and the man opened up the door and answered, "Yeah?!! What do you want? I'm busy!" 

"I'm sorry," Chuck apologized. He closed the door, walked down the hallway and saw a light under my door. When he came into my office he unloaded the truck. Part of mentoring is being with the protégé during crisis events. 

MK: You mentored Chuck and now he's your boss. Describe how that feels. 

HH: It feels wonderful. That's the potential of mentoring: God can use you to build into the life of another person. Don't limit your protégés by your own limitations -- they're capable of going way beyond you. I have students going way beyond what I'll ever hope to accomplish. That, to me, is one of the selling features of mentoring. 

I think of my Sunday School teacher who mentored me. He was the one who led me to Christ. Nobody knows the guy, so when I talk about Walt Reiman, people ask, "Who's Walt Reiman?" 

To me, that's the convincing feature for laypeople who realize that because they took this kid in when his parents put him out, encouraged him when he was down, and coached him when he was playing ball, they made a difference in the person's life. And the guy grows up to be the leading surgeon, doctor, lawyer, what have you. And you ask, "I produced this?"