From the set of the Today show, Al Roker smiles as he tells us that today's weather is going to be "damp, humid, and drizzly," and Katie Couric immediately quips, "Uh, oh. It looks like today is going to be a bad hair day." We hear that comment a lot these days; certain types of weather can transform perfect perms into permanent problems.
Many of us experience similar difficulties with prayer. We occasionally run into a "bad prayer day." One obstacle after another smacks us, and we wonder if trying to pray is even worth it. Worst of all, we begin to feel like we are talking to ourselves or to a wall, and we are tempted to just "forgedaboutit!" We begin to see prayer as something for the mystics and the monks and not for us ordinary, normal people.
Prayer is a Two-Way Street
Right? Wrong! Prayer is communication, and without communication we lose our wife, our husband, our friend -- even our God. So on good days and bad days; on wet, damp, drizzly days; and on golden sunshiny days, we still need to communicate. And the way we communicate with God is through prayer.
I imagine that Glamour magazine offers amazing advice on what to do with your mane on a bad hair day. Spiritual directors and saints offer some practical tips that can help when we are having a bad prayer day.
TIP #1: Pray your own words
Many of us think of prayer in terms of words, especially someone else's words. From our beginnings many of us memorized saints' words, read mystics' prayers, and recited monks' holy utterances, believing that their words were much more effective than our limited groanings.
We told God (from our prayer books) that "our hearts are on fire with love for you," even though they were not. We recited sentences like "Do with me what you will, and never let me be separated from you," when actually we wanted God to do whatever we wanted. We promised and pleaded for this, that, and the other thing, with the proviso that if God granted our request, we would light a candle or reward him with sinless weekends.
The reason we have so many bad prayer days is because we do not pray or talk to God in our own words. We use holy words, throw-away sacral words, and $10 cathedral words that we think God wants to hear.
So throw away the script and talk with God person to Person:
- Tell God that you are angry at your sister or that you are worried about how rapidly your mother and father are aging.
- Confide in God that your checking account is getting low and you don't know how you are going to pay this month's bills.
- Remind God about your daughter's problems in school, or confess to him that you sometimes want to murder your silent, sullen teenage son.
- Share with God your worries about your spouse's health or the cooling of the love between you.
- Pray as you are and in your own words.
TIP #2: Pray by listening
Real communication requires that we listen as well as speak. Prayer should be a dialogue -- not a monologue -- and listening is the most important part. Prayer at its best is sitting silently in God's presence.
We don't need a church or a chapel or a sanctuary to do this. We can pray sitting in our favorite chair, on the back porch, or in the yard. The car can also be a great place to pray. Once in a while, turn off the car radio, go for a ride with God, and just listen.
Whenever we meet a friend after a long absence, we do not talk to each other endlessly. In no time at all we seem to catch up on the news of our lives, and then we just enjoy each other's company. Consider a couple who has been married for more than 50 years sitting on the porch together. They don't need to talk. She might be knitting a sweater and he might be reading the paper, but they are definitely present to each other.
The scene is reminiscent of the advice Henri Nouwen gives us on prayer: "To pray does not mean to think about God in contrast to thinking about other things, or to spend time with God instead of spending time with other people. Rather, it means to think and live in the presence of God."
The elderly couple is silently present to each other, and their presence speaks volumes about their love and care and need.
TIP #3: Pray your distractions
Many of us make too much of a fuss over distractions. We expend all our energy trying to chase stray thoughts from our minds. Since this is an impossible task, we feel that our prayer is lacking.
The important things in our lives will come to the forefront of our attention -- even when we pray. The mind is like a movie projector that is always running -- pictures, people, and places will constantly parade across the movie screen inside us. We can try to concentrate, but it's difficult.
Don't fight your distractions. Pray them! If you are apprehensive about a medical test you have to undergo next week, tomorrow's busy schedule, or the leak showing itself under the tub, make it the subject of your prayer. We spend hours of our prayer time trying to empty the mind of our business so we can deal with God's business when all the while our business is God's business.
TIP #4: Keep asking
When the apostles asked Jesus how to pray, he told them to ask, to seek, and to knock. He placed prayers of petition at the top of the list. He wants us to ask -- and keep asking. When we turn to the Lord for our needs, we show that we are dependent on him. We acknowledge that there is very little in our lives that we can control. We are the creatures, and God is the creator.
We are all familiar with the other forms of prayer -- praise, thanksgiving, contrition, reparation. But like a loving parent, God wants to shower us with tremendous gifts. All we have to do is ask.
TIP #5: Just do it
That's the best advice on prayer I ever received. Don't read about it, think about it, discuss it; just pray. Don't wait till next Sunday or after your upcoming vacation. Do it now! Right here. Today.
It is not necessary to drastically re-arrange our schedule to find time for prayer. The day is already packed with built-in prayer times. Each morning is a miniature creation. Mornings speak of praise and wonder and thanksgiving. Offer the day, yourself, your tasks, and everyone you come in contact with to the Lord.
Evenings are natural times to whisper "Thank you" and "I'm sorry." There is something sacramental about the end of a day. Falling off to sleep is the perfect time to thank God for the blessings of the day and to ask forgiveness for our mistakes.
The heart of the day has pockets of prayer times: waiting at a traffic light, standing in a checkout line, or driving to and from work. Opportunities to pray surround us, and the Lord is under our very noses. Jesus is with us all day long, in all our comings and goings. All we have to do is notice his presence, enjoy his company, say a few words, sit at his feet, and listen.
When we really reflect on the matter, we discover that there is no such thing as a bad prayer day. God is always in our presence and longs for us to be in his.
When I visited a parish priest in my own home parish in Brooklyn, New York, I often took a late afternoon walk, occasionally stopping in at my parents' home to say hello. One late November afternoon when twilight came early I walked into the house to find my mother and father sitting in the dark living room.
"Why are you sitting the dark? Why don't you turn on the light?" I asked. My father quickly responded, "Why? We know where we are."
To this day that statement has served as a great definition of prayer for me: We know where we are. Prayer is knowing that no matter where we are, God is with us. It is up to us to say hello, to listen, and to enjoy God's company. Do that and you'll never have a bad prayer day.
John McGowan, C.Ss.R., is retreat manager at San Alfonso Retreat House in Long Branch New Jersey. This article first appeared in the February 1999 issue of Liguorian magazine. For more information about Liguori publications, you can access their Web site at www.Liguori.org.
